Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
