While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
