youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
