I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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