you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
