none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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