closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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