I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
