i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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