Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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