you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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