I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
