I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
