Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
