i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
