Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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