So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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