I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
