my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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