I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
