She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
