well you can't waste a boner
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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