Soap is not a condiment
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
