Me too!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
