if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
