Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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