Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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