so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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