Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
