Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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