Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
