I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
zippers are such a cool invention
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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