I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize