Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
