Little spoons don't ask big questions
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize