I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
