so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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