Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
