Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
