HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
