I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
