wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
