its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
