I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
