Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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