We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
