i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found puke in my bra..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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