dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
