good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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