U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
