Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
