I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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