You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
