Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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