so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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