Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
