I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
