Your face is a jimmy john
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
