quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize