I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
