I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
