Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Randomize
