I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize