that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
