How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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