remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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