your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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