Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
