I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
