He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
