So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
