shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
