Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There r osticjed everywhere
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
