As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's always time for handjobs
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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