We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
