my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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