You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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