i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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