i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
