...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
