i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
