i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I didn't notice because vodka
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
