i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize