Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
