Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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