She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
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