Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Shame - the story of my life.
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