I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
