I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
