sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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