come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
