I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
