Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
