it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize