It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
